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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the joke about the two monsters who crashed? They fell off a cliff boom boom."

"What do you get when you leave a dog inside a car when it's 100 degrees outside? A hot dog."

"What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand? *hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING?!?!?!"

"[Skype] ME: Finally I see your face and wow. HIM: [naked] Where are you?! ME: Starbucks. Wanna meet a few friends? They like your tweets."

"What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office? ""Close, Bill, but no cigar!"""

"Why aren't Japanese optimistic? Because not every cloud has a silver lining"

"I walk around with mentos in my ears so everyone thinks I have an iphone 7."

"My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull."

"I had some Taco Bell the other night. Shit was spewing out of my ass at 88mph. Now everyone at school calls me Doc Brown."

"Boss: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait? Boss: Today!"