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Joke of the Day

"Does anybody have any really old jokes that are actually funny? I'm talking antiques, 100 years +."

"Being a virgin is sort of like owning a used Prius. You've never had sex."

"""Bitches ain't shit but ho's and tricks."" --William Shakespeare (i think)"

"So embarrassing when the door's marked PUSH & you spend 5 minutes shattering all the glass"

"What's the best hotel in the world? Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars."

"Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance"

"My neighbours probably think I'm getting laid, but these are just the sounds I make whenever I take my socks off."

"As I pulled back the ring-pull on my 5th can of beer, I heard ""Hello."" I thought to myself, ""It must be the drink talking."""

"Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in tide? Because it was too cold out tide."

"I went to get a physical the other day... And the doctor told me that I had to stop masturbating. Shocked, I asked him ""why?"" He said I had to stop because he was giving me a physical."