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Joke of the Day

"Your honor let the records indicate my client was upsexy Judge: what's upsexy? [lawyer whispers to defendant] quick, this is your chance"

"Did you hear about the Syrian Masquerade? It was held in Da**masc**us."

"Whats the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"What did the guy without hands get for christmas? We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet"

"Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing."

"Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint."

"It's only Wednesday and I'm already 94% done with this week."

"Cardinal: Ordinations are down Pope: Maybe a recruiting poster? C: Slogan? P: ""We separate the men from the boys!"" C: Um... Any other ideas?"

"It's my wife birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she's in for a rude awakening. I'm buying her a Tourettes alarm clock."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. (heard this somewhere)"