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Joke of the Day

"How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls? They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun"

"Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks."

"I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended."

"What is a Coronal Mass Ejection? I might be wrong here, but I think it's when you throw up after drinking too much Mexican beer."

"When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial."

"I've finally decided to do something about my weight ... lie."

"So I was having sex with this chick and she kept calling out another blokes name. What kind of name is 'rape' anyway?"

"What does a Jewish cat say at weddings? Meowzel tov"

"If you're looking for candy corn, look no further than my trash can."

"Where do you keep microscopic criminals? In cells."