170280

Joke of the Day

"When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial."

"Oh, so you wanna argue? BRING IT, I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON !"

"I can't wait to stick my descriptive adjective all up in your noun until you verb all over my face."

"Did you hear about the suspect who's alibi was that he was at a restaurant? Well the restaurant Carraba-rated his story."

"4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa 2. You don t believe in Santa 3. You are Santa 4. You look like Santa"

"My wife is a psycho, this tweet isn't a joke its a cry for help."

"Oedipus apartment complex Attractive like your mom"

"Which vitamine are feminists missing? D"

"My friend sent me a picture of her baby and I don't have a baby so I just sent her back a picture of a steak I cooked once."

"""I am"" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ""I do"" is the longest sentence? Holy shit this blew up"