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Joke of the Day

"I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to f*ck off and buy my own."

"the blood of the innocent will run in the streets? maybe it should get a car or at least use the sidewalk"

"Me: YOU CAN DO IT SON! Son: Why are you being so encouraging? Are you drunk? Me: Yep. So pass your driving test or we're walking home."

"Q: Why did the hearing aid saleman give it up for a life of piracy? A: Because he only made a good buccaneer."

"Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !"

"If I throw my son a baseball, he drops it. A football, he fumbles. But if I toss him a cell phone, my man has a sick one handed, no look."

"Did you hear about the girl with the boobs on her back? She was hell to look at but nice to dance with."

"What do you call Nicky Minaj's ass? Silicone valley"

"A Bitter Army Veteran storms into a classroom and shouts ""If it weren't for me you'd all be speaking German!"" ""That's right"" replies the German teacher."