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Joke of the Day

"Me: YOU CAN DO IT SON! Son: Why are you being so encouraging? Are you drunk? Me: Yep. So pass your driving test or we're walking home."

"I'm so faithful, I don't even have a girlfriend and I STILL don't sleep with other women!"

"In a perfect world you'd be able to mark people as spam in real life."

"When I see something funny on the internet, I don't usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual."

"Why did the cardiologist bake a cake with partially hydrogenated oil? Because he took the hypocritic oath"

"So a priest and a kid walk into the forest The kid says to the priest, ""wow, im pretty scared."" the priest says, ""your scared? I have to walk out of here alone."""

"Why did the football go to the bank? to get is quarterback."

"Brothels in Thailand have a red and white striped pole outside like a barbars shop! I didn't know! Imagine my shock when I went in and asked for a 'number 2 all over'"

"Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail"

"My dick is good at math. What I'm trying to say is that it's the small things that count."