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Joke of the Day
"Who called it ""wearing a monocle"" and not ""putting on a bit of a spectacle?"""
Next Joke
"My girlfriend wanted me to go to yoga with her the other day. I waved her off and said ""Nah 'ma stay."""
"It's always an ungodly hour for atheists."
"What are the 5 most terrifying word in the english language? ""Five more years of Cameron"""
"Me: *reclines* Nice Wife: I still can't believe you bought a used gynecological exam table Me: I can see the tv perfectly between my legs"
"I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill"
"Today at work, at my desk, my boss offered me a handjob... It's okay though, I'm self employed."
"Guinea pigs aren't real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead."
"A pirate joke kind of day. What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both say ""YO HO!"" and walk with a limp!"
"I really hope it's a typo on your resume where it says you're ""goat oriented""."