50828

Joke of the Day

"""Baby, I'm in the bedroom waiting for you"" Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed."

"As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: ""They had eggs."""

"Ask me if you can join the pee club... Do it!"

"I once dated a Welsh girl with 36 DDs. Longest surname I've ever seen."

"My son said, ""Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think, 'My life has been a complete failure.'?"" I said, ""Not unless you're standing behind me."""

"Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers."

"If you had sex 365 times in one year and melted the rubbers down to make a tire, what would you call it? A fucking Goodyear! ! !"

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat? She fits in to your wife's clothes."

"You say potato and I say... Who are you and why are you saying potato to me?"

"Can you believe my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning?! 2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums..."