148609

Joke of the Day

"I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill"

"My son said he didn't think Seinfeld was funny Turns out he's not the Wiz"

"Why did the foot smile? He was toe very happy. Jesus that is awful."

"Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre."

"a couple of bros... ""I wanna know. Which one of you is Bro Montana, and which is Terrell Browens?"""

"Damn girl, are you a pig? Because your mother looks like a pig. Because you look damn hot bacon in the Sun. Because I want to stuff you like Thanksgiving dinner. . . . More suggestions appreciated"

"Why did the comedian say he preferred his hamburger on a croissant roll? ""Because,"" he said, ""the bun is the lowest form of pastry."""

"FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there."

"75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it"

"How many Firefly fans disc it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The just stand around for years bitching about how it went out. EDIT: does not disc."