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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence... ...because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

"""To prove how much I love you I'm going to eat this entire pizza."" That's not what I - ""Please stop. Let me do this."""

"An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday He wanted to talk about Cheeses."

"I'm so bored with life, I've decided to read the Oxford English Dictionary from start to finish. I'm past caring."

"Why did they name the T-Rex in Jurassic World Rexy? Because if they went with the first syllable it would have been called Tyranny."

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? SUPER DANCE OFF?? Cop: OH YEAH OH YEAH? Cop: No, not really. There's a warrant for your arrest. oh no"

"the closest I've ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air"

"What does music have to do with safety? If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat."

"Honesty is an important part of parenting. That being said, I'm going to tell my kids that McGruff the Crime Dog is a dog that loves crime."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be baygulls"