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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? One says, ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says, ""Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!"

"Why did the cannibal get indigestion after eating his high school debate team rival? He ate something that disagreed with him"

"The full time football result is in: Real Madrid - 4... Surreal Madrid - fish"

"The worst form of Alzheimer's is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer."

"Why did the H kill itself? because the G had"

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you've already told her twice!"

"The most massive object of our entire supercluster Hey, you're like the Great Attractor Thanks man No I mean like you're the heaviest thing in the known universe"

"I'm not always sarcastic... there's a lot of times I mean every bit of what I say."

"My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home."

"If I were a rat, I wouldn't give my ass either."