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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver? The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green."

"Sometimes I feel like a pelican Whichever way I look, I can see a huge bill.."

"Can you even work your smartphone? In what capacity?"

"What do you call a cheap wig? A small price toupee."

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""

"First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire."

"[accidentally makes eye contact with someone] Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you OK?"

"Turning vegan is a big missed steak."

"The local police station had their toilet stolen. The cops say they have nothing to go on."

"What did the nun wear to the casino? Her gambling habit."