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Joke of the Day

"Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks. You are first in line for my liver when the time comes."

"I used that classic Liam Neeson line from Taken the other day: ""I will find you and I will kill you."" My grandkids refuse to play hide and seek with me anymore."

"A good woman is easy to find... You just have to go to the cemetery and dig one up."

"Did you hear about the Scarecrow that won an award? It was for being outstanding in his field."

"Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait"

"If Im being racist, feel free to call me racist...[NSFW] If Im not, you can fuck right off you immigrant cunt."

"How many more spills do you think parents in paper towel commercials can take before they just push one of those kids down the stairs?"

"I promise to remain the same grounded, gracious, friend I've always been after winning $7 from Powerball #dreams"

"So my genetics professor reported this morning that diarrhea has a genetic basis According to her, it runs in our jeans."

"""Deodorant?"" - Foreigners"