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Joke of the Day

"""Deodorant?"" - Foreigners"

"""I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish."" - People who don't get how definitions work."

"This guy was all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"I repurposed some lumber. It was ex-siding."

"I decided to get my girlfriend & her sister new jackets for Christmas That is why I bought a pair of new gloves."

"There needs to be a universal hand signal to let people know they still have their blinker on. Mouthing ""you're dead asshole"" isn't working."

"Love in 2013 means answering each other's texts immediately."

"Ivan, 12, after breaking the vase and realizing he'll be punished anyway, sold the TV, got high and ordered some escorts."

"While watching Olympic kayaking, I was surprised at how bad the Cuban team was at paddling. Then I realized, That's probably why they're still in Cuba."

"Today I asked the Director of Admissions at my University what the best thing about her job was... And she said, ""Well, I gotta admit..."""