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Joke of the Day

"NSFW Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit... One fly farts. The other fly says, ""Do you mind? I'm eating."""

"Mafia boss: ""I want him swimming with the fishes!"" *later at the coral reef* Me: ""This is amazing!"" Mafia boss: ""Anything for you."""

"I didn't masturbate for over a year. That mistake blew up in my face."

"why did the hipster burn his tounge? because he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"Every Saturday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!"

"What is a Brazilians favorite Pokemon? Zikachu."

"A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!"

"Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass."

"I forgot my hard hat when I went to the building site... Health and safety came down on me like a tonne of bricks."

"If you miss a day in cosmetology school... Do you have to do a make-up test?"