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Joke of the Day

"Salesman: Roll up roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for a mammoth."

"Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? Because they are all wet."

"I don't like vegetables, so somebody told me to get a juicer. It didn't help. That thing tasted worse than the vegetables."

"Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan...."

"Why'd the farmer win the lifetime achievement award? Because he was always out standing in his field."

"How did Darth Vader know what Luke would get for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"Idiot college called, they want there mascot back."

"One of the lights in my bathroom is out. I look at least ten years younger."

"What do you call a crab that plays baseball? A pinch hitter."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool"