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Joke of the Day

"Salesman: Roll up roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for a mammoth."

"Did you hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime and then picks it up."

"[narrating people dancing at a wedding] These humans are using their legs for the first time today"

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a boat. The boat sinks. Who survives? America."

"Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said ""I hear sirens. Jump!"" The second one said ""But we're on the 13th floor!"" The first one screamed back ""This is no time to be superstitious."""

"When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: ""What is courage?"" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top."

"What's the difference between being hard at work and being hard at work. ...you can't be the latter if you're a teacher"

"Have you heard about the constipated math teacher? He worked the problem out with a pencil. On a sheet of paper."

"Did you know that 50% of asian businessmen have cataracts? The other half have BMW's."

"What is the difference between an amateur archer and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit... The other hoots but can't shit."