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Joke of the Day

"I don't make spelling and grammatical errors I invent new languages. You ignorant Count."

"My wife was gang raped by a troupe of mimes.... They performed unspeakable acts on her."

"I saw a documentary about how ships are held together It was riveting"

"Okay, vampires are invisible in mirrors, I totally get that. But, come on, their clothes?!? #science"

"Ruger is coming out with a new pistol called the congressman... X/post from r/guns .....it doesn't work and you can't fire it."

"Did you hear about the prostitute who had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip? She wanted to make a little money on the side."

"Every time I consider being healthy, I remember pizza."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a fish? Lightbulb."

"Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street? They were arch enemies."

"What has wheels and is green? Grass, I lied about the wheels."