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Joke of the Day

"I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And.."

"When searching for Gary Oldman on google images Make damn sure you dont miss that r..."

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping in Jacksonvillle? He woke up."

"Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle"

"Hitler has heard that the Americans have liberated Normandy Hitler: It's over Eva. Everything's a disaster. We might as well call this Disaster Day. Eva: Why not just call it D-Day?"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alda ! Alda who ? Alda time you knew who it was !"

"What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra."

"I used to work as a waiter at an insane asylum... Serving soup to nuts."

"NOTHING says ""I am batshit, incapable of relationships, bad with money & cannot be trusted"" like colored contact lenses."

"Susie 1 - Why did Susie fall off the swing? 2 - Because she had no arms 1 - Knock Knock 2 - Who's there? 1 - Not Susie"