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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra."

"Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby but because she's one of my skinniest friends."

"mythical anciemt turtel that canot die has been found in the galapagos. ""dont worry"" says one scientist ""we wil find a way to kill it"""

"*brings a gun to a knife fight* *brings a gun to a pillow fight* *brings a gun to a food fight* who keeps inviting this guy"

"What's the difference between ""for free"" and ""for nothing"" I went to school for free, you went to school for nothing."

"Is high blood pressure contagious? Because I think I'm getting it from my patients."

"After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet Uranus..."

"Ever seen a horse with a carrot on a stick dangling over its head? Last night on the treadmill's TV, I saw an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken."

"About the blind man that took up parachuting. He had loads of fun, but his guide dog didn't."

"Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening."