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Joke of the Day

"One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. ""Tie me up,"" she purred, ""And you can do anything you want."" So he tied her up and went golfing."

"One advantage The Monkees had over The Beatles was the opposable thumb"

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"Why can't a bike stand on its own? Because it's two tired. Edit: added ""because""."

"Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties."

"Nerd Joke Man walks into a bar and days ""Bartender, I'll have an H2O."" His friend says ""Ill have some H2O, too"" His friend dies."

"What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple."

"I hate One Direction fans... Oscillating ones cool down a room much better."

"Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Verbally. But I've also prepared a dance."

"Since we're talking about Michael Jackson--- What did the guy say to MJ at the beach? Get out of my son."