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Joke of the Day

"Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back."

"What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her? If you incest."

"How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses."

"I hope that one day I can be as proud about anything as my cat is about his asshole."

"Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act... Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough."

"Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher? Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies."

"I made a joke up!!! Two midgets walk into a bar. edit: sorry I didn't set the bar very high for this joke. edit2: don't' worry- they're ok."

"The cool thing about Cake Boss cakes is how everything is edible and has been touched all over and breathed upon for hours."

"Why does Sunscreen break atomic rule? It's only SPF"

"Mom, can I have another piece of pecan pie? ""You mean MAY, not CAN"" Ok, mom can I have another piece of pemay pie?"