30797

Joke of the Day

"Working on a new type of martial arts that involves taking money from Hispanics.. called TakeJuan'sDough."

"I met Lance Armstrong after a party Me: So, Lance, how was the party? Lance (Pensively glancing at the whisky): I had a ball."

"""Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yep, yep, uh huh, uh huh, ok, you too, bye"": Man side of every phone conversation with his wife."

"WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: My experiences with you lead to an increase in dopamine and oxytocin as well"

"MY NECK, MY BACK, A STRANGER TOOK MY CAT"

"Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it."

"My professor told me my writing reveals my erudite nature. I explained that my birthstone is actually amethyst."

"A 65 year old actress with early Alzhiemer's got a Botox shot, and later regretted it. She couldn't remember her lines."

"Anal, Something I'd get behind!"

"What do you do when a scientist dies? You barium! ba-dum-tss"