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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hello, is it me you're looking for? Her: no Me: *dials another number* Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

"What goes ""clip-clop-clip-clop-bang?"" An Amish drive by."

"What's a poops favorite color? Turdquoise"

"Knock Knock... Who's there? I, diddup I, diddup who? You filthy bastard"

"[Donald Duck opens gift] Daisy: It's pants. Try them on! Donald: [stands] STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME WOMAN"

"To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon..."

"On this pesticide spray it says, ""Keep away from children."" Fuck, they knew I was coming."

"What's brown and steaming and lies behind the barracks? Gomer's pile."

"On the train... A girl sneezes. you: ""bless you."" she: ""sorry, i have a boyfriend."" voice from a few seats behind you: ""i'm a vegan."""

"Two guys walk into a bar... Two guys walk into a bar near the optometrist, but the third one already got his glasses, so he's fine."