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Joke of the Day

"When I lay down to go to sleep, I watch Hillary Clinton rallies It is much more convenient than counting sheep individually."

"Twitter: What do our users want? Users: An edit button and relief from spam/abuse. Twitter: Novella-length Tweets it is!"

"Babies for dinner What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a ferrari in my garage!"

"[On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT"

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go."

"Hot Gums. Dude looks at a woman and thinks she has a beautiful smile. Dentists look at her and thinks she has beautiful gums.Never watch dentist porn."

"What did the lower case ""o"" say to the capital ""O""? You whore."

"If mental hospitals had walkways... They'd be called psychopaths."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? You fuck her."

"9. You can fit 9 cats inside an acoustic guitar."