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Joke of the Day

"Tried to impress 9 by making up sentences containing 3 of her vocabulary words at once, so now she knows what ""nerd"" means."

"Very normal stages of anger: 1) kinda upset 2) crying 3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show"

"Some people will believe anything if you start with 'This is just between you and me'."

"""What did Fifty Cent say to his Grandmother when she made him a sweater?"" ""GEE, YOU KNIT!?!?"""

"What's the difference between a church and a mosque? In a church you see pew, pew pew. In a mosque you hear pew pew pew."

"The difference between sexists and misogynists... Sexist: I like my women like I like my jeans - loose in the crotch! Mysogynist: I like my women like I like my jeans - acid washed!"

"In capitalist America... bank robs you!"

"If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me."

"What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!"

"Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds."