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Joke of the Day

"Very normal stages of anger: 1) kinda upset 2) crying 3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show"

"I think my girlfriend would make a good plumber She keeps bringing up old shit from weeks ago."

"What kinds of clothes do protons wear? Plus sizes!"

"what did the melon say to the cookie? nothing, melons can't talk"

"So a man walks through airport security... Man: Knock knock. AS: Who's there? Man: Alla. AS: Alla who? Man: Alla who akbar."

"Woman: ""Can you please call me a taxi?"" Man: ""You're a taxi"""

"What commercials are the longest? Viagra"

"What do you call an erection during a funeral? Mourning wood!"

"At last I've managed to find my girlfriend's G-spot! Who would have thought her sister had it all the time?"

"My girlfriend wanted me to include her more.. My girlfriend cuddled up to me and said ""I wish you would play with me like to do those video games"". So, I Dragon-punched her in the face."