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Joke of the Day

"My iPhone just autocorrected ""everyone"" to ""wartime"". I'm not entirely sure what that means but I'm pretty sure we're all going to die."

"I get so excited every time I see an armored car but then, guess what, no heist."

"not one character on the show Friends had a job that was a joke, was broke, or had a love life that was DOA."

"I had a dark bump on my arm checked out at my ontologist... I tried to get a diagnosis but instead he went on about reality and existence."

"April showers bring May flowers Mayflowers bring Smallpox."

"Roses are red, Violets are red... Actually, I think my garden's on fire"

"In the year 1973, there were 2000 Elvis Impersonators. By 1993, over 30,000. At this rate, by 2050 1 out of 3 people will be Elvis"

"""There are no dumb questions"" is truly the perfect trap for making dumb people reveal themselves."

"Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn't that weird? Her: Not really Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?"

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."