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Joke of the Day

"So my neighbor asked me to fix her sink She's obviously never seen a porno because it's been an hour and I'm still fixing the damn sink"

"If Hillary Clinton wins the election I am moving to Benghazi. At lest I know she will leave me alone there."

"Ever had sex so good... That you told your wife when you got home?"

"What does Reddit and fat people have in common? A LOT of people don't like them right now"

"I googled 'Gary Oldman' and left off the 'r' It was the longest 3 hours of my life."

"Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled ""Teen Paranormal Romance."""

"When I count my blessings, I count you twice, subtract 4, multiply by 8, and divide by 15 because I don't know how math or blessings work."

"[robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going"

"Did you hear about the philosophical gunman? He blew people's minds."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you."