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Joke of the Day

"One is the loneliest number. Seven is kinda racist. Nine needs to just come out already. Four drinks to forget. Three is angry, so so angry."

"""We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other."" -yet another lie I just told my toddler"

"I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder."

"A man visits his local dentist. Dentist: Now please take a seat, this will hurt a little. Patient: Ok. Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."

"""that's me in the corner."" - r.e.m. explaining how facetime works"

"I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married."

"I brush my teeth a lot longer when I'm around another person."

"It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me."

"I like it when I open a document and my monitor says WORD and I'm like YO."

"What's a gambler's favorite time of day? 10 to 1."