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Joke of the Day

"I'm in favor of spanking children. Their parents are not."

"G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma) PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward) PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward) R: NO grandmas"

"cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here"

"It can get pretty exhausting hating as many people as I do in a day."

"I can honestly say that I have never fake laughed as hard as any member of the America's Funniest Home Videos audience."

"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."

"Where is the best place to buy chicken broth? at the stock market"

"My golf game is a lot like my iPad, I don't have an iPad."

"Octopus How does an octopus make you laugh? With ten-tickles"

"I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt..... So, I made a move on her."