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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar Ouch..."

"I took my kids to the zoo to see exotic cats, but we couldn't find the ocelots I think we just got ocelost."

"I want to start a Precedents Day, but it's tough because there's never been one before."

"The only way I'm listening to a voicemail is if I think the pizza guy is lost"

"I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work. She got fired too."

"Have you guys heard about the corduroy pillows? There making head lines. (classic) Edit: goddammit...they're"

"[crumpled up paper on floor] *tries to flip it up like hacky sack* *tries to flip it up...* *tries to flip...* *tries...* *leaves it*"

"Did you know that God is rich? Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet."

"How much do pirates pay for their earrings? About a buccaneer!"

".@LAPD My wife made hazelnut ""coffee"" with my coffee maker. Send all available units."