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Joke of the Day

"The most terrifying sentence in the world. ""I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."" -RR"

"What did the tomato say to the mushroom? ""You're a fun guy"""

"Why do molluscs only think of themselves? Because they're shellfish"

"50% of fatherhood is repeating yourself. Other 50% is untangling your kid from the shirt stuck on their head cause you didn't unbutton it."

"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever."

"Why did the samurai hate nonsense? Because he was a sensei."

"When you rob an Ikea store they probably make you put all the money in the bag yourself."

"That awkward moment when your friends are singing ""happy birthday to you"" and you don't know where to look."

"My private health insurance really needs to start covering retail therapy."

"You know what doesn't suck? A hooker that just won the lottery"