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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire? He threw his arm out."

"Do you know the best part about having only one eye and bad vision? LASIK is half off."

"People say I'm condescending... That means I talk down to people."

"I don't understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn."

"Becoming a vegetarian Is a big missed steak"

"Want a slutty costume? Dress up as my professors, they barely cover up anything important."

"""Sorry I didn't reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off... Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!"""

"I used to have a fat joke with good taste but your mom ate it."

"I would totally support the development of a 14-year after pill."

"Wife said since she got bangs she misses her eyebrows. I told her to think of her bangs as one big eyebrow. I shouldn't talk anymore."