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Joke of the Day

"Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is you are stupid and make bad descisions..."

"I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now but I'm still proud..."

"""Try again, dumbass"" - the little red line under your misspelled word"

"5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That'd wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation"

"Knock Knock! Who's there... No one because you have no friends."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Chopped up and in the back of my freezer."

"Could you please tell me what a slightly better alternative to a pokeball is? That'd be great."

"*dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*"

"After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black... ...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief"

"I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch."