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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a fruit and a nut? I don't fruit all over your mother's tits."

"What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts."

"What does a cannibal do after he dumps his wife? Wipes his ass."

"if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance"

"I was going to kill myself. A : A week ago I wanted to kill myself. B : What? How? A : I'd jump off the roof. B : What changed your mind? A : I'm afraid of heights."

"Dear Johnson & Johnson: Ejacu-lotion Please DM me for my address to send royalties checks."

"I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair. But that's just me nitpicking."

"What did the ocean say? Nothing, he just waved."

"I just found spaghetti in our heating ducts if any of you were thinking of having children."

"""She's got legs. She knows how to use them."" ""So she's ambulatory then?"" ""... I guess?"" ""And is that really all you're looking for?"""