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Joke of the Day

"My wife was having an affair... I was devastated. But, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning."

"I need a less intrusive addiction than Twitter so I started using meth this morning."

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't jelly my cock up your ass"

"What's a one way streets favorite band? One Direction"

"Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face."

"All dick jokes are essentially the same they just vary in length."

"If athletes get athletes foot. What do astronauts get? missile toe"

"I have recently learned that it is considered poor form to sit on Santa's lap and ask to be made a widow for Christmas... The more you know."

"I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed."

"What salesman has the slickest line? A hair grease salesman."