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Joke of the Day

"*Open up, police!!* ""NO YOU'RE GONNA YELL AT ME."""

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

"Someday I'd like to meet the tiny creature piloting Vin Diesel's body."

"Having sex at work is alright As long as you don't work at a daycare"

"Trying to argue via text is like Being Italian and talking with handcuffs on."

"""You need to stop doing chest workouts, it looks like you have boobs,"" said my wife. ""That makes one of us then,"" I replied."

"Never own a pet store. Stores make bad pets."

"Instead of ""the John,"" I call my toilet ""the Jim."" That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning."

"What did you get for your birthday? Another year!"

"If your cup is half full... You probably need a different bra. P.S. I don't know if this counts as a joke, so sorry in advance. Edit: layout"