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Joke of the Day

"A man went to see his doctor. ""You need to stop masturbating,"" the doctor said. The man asked, ""Why?"" The doctor replied, ""Because I''m trying to examine you!"""

"Me: ""I'm so lonely."" Microscopic organism: ""Wow, I'm right here."""

"Every time I see an obese family at a buffet, I throw a sack of marbles onto the table and have a live showing of Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"How is it that magic carpets are able to fly? They are powered by turban engines."

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"What do gay horses eat? HAYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

"Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. Kitchen has the food, guys"

"Bumped into an old friend. We were both staring down at our phones. We just kept walking."

"My friend cooked up some otter the other day! It was otterly delicious."

"Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, its down the chimney."