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Joke of the Day

"What happened to King Midas after he facepalm'd? He turned into Donald Trump."

"Accidentally took a women's multi vitamin and I've been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat."

"Give a man a jacket and he'll be warm for a day......teach a man to jacket he'll never leave the house"

"One time I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist.... Unfortunately, I couldn't find any openings....."

"OMG, you're huge! There's no way you'll fit inside me. - My clothes."

"Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom."

"What's the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period? Getting your palms red at the same time."

"HER: I love Deadpool ME: I love Dead Pool HER: Oh, cool, you read comics too? ME: *staring out at pond where I toss victims' bodies* Hmm?"

"Can't believe it's 2012 and still possible for me to cut myself shaving."

"What's the opposite of a hipster? A napster"