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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally took a women's multi vitamin and I've been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat."

"My father was known for running marathons He never came back from the Boston one though But I knew that he'd say it was bomb I'm glad he went out with a bang"

"What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? The wife always blows the bonus."

"I left my phone at home and had no idea what to do with my hands while I drove"

"""Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna see grandma!"" ""Shut up and keep digging!"""

"What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward."

"What do you call a Germany virgin? Good 'n' Tight"

"Why is Latvian cross road? Latvian see potato, but when cross is only secret police."

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a river."""

"Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ...."