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Joke of the Day
"Putting my Christmas decorations on the house across the street so I can, you know, see them."
Next Joke
"Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are."
"I spend like $600 every month on free trials for stuff I forgot to cancel."
"How did hipster kid hurt himself? He touched the stove before it was cool..."
"Why do horses make terrible congressmen? Because they can only say ""neigh!"" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary."
"What do you call a marine animal who under-performs at the vegetable academy? A C-cucumber."
"The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was ""I know how to start a fire!"" so nothing you guys say today can scare me."
"Me: My stomach hurts. WebMD: You're a kid, trying to get out of something."
"What do you call pizza that isn't yours? Impersonal pizza"
"I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating the entire box of donuts."