162839

Joke of the Day

"Vasaline is the key to having sex with your spouse after having children... *Just stick that stuff on the outside of the doorknob and the kids can't turn the knob to get in."

"If your phone gets lost and a noble soul returns it to you.. Its time to change your phone."

"Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status..."

"Who is the president of the United States of America Donald Trump"

"My family and I are going camping for Memorial Weekend. I asked my mother if I could bring my trombone so I can practice, but she said no, because we might get ***banned.***"

"Autocorrect changed ""stranger"" to ""strangler"" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that."

"When Trump was a kid wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up... ...but all he was able to accomplish was the first syllable."

"Almost Is Never Enough Ariana Grande VINE Alyssa Light for link video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjAa6GX8AXw"

"[walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] ""What are you supposed to be?"" ME: I'm not wearing a costume"

"Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs."