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Joke of the Day

"When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive."

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"My phone's low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously."
"This is your pilot speaking. If you have any requests, please give them to the flight attendant. Anyway, here's Wonderwall."
"Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter"
"A handsome and well dressed old man walks into a bar... ... approaches a good looking elderly lady, and says: ""Do I come here often?"""
"You don't need a parachute to skydive... You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
"""We're a completely paperless office."" Wow, that's really cool. [Later, staring at iPad dispenser in bathroom] Well this sucks."
"Hey guys ,wanna hear a joke about a broken pencil? Ugh never mind that , it's pointless."
"My blind friend and his birthday I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read."
"I've been reading the dictionary. Spoiler alert: ""zyzzyva""!!"
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