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Joke of the Day

"A handsome and well dressed old man walks into a bar... ... approaches a good looking elderly lady, and says: ""Do I come here often?"""

"What do we want? ROCK HARD ABS! When do we want them? THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!"

"A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in ""I want to be a history major,"" he says. The dad responds, ""No you don't! There's no future in it!"""

"i was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers"

"What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist? Count Drocular"

"What can be found in a cannibal's shower? head & shoulders"

"A very drunk man walks into a bar He yells: two large beers and a packet of crisps please! Lady: sir, this is a library. Man, whispering: two large beers and a packet of crisps please!"

"Why did Donald Trump buy a Wu Tang Clan shirt? Because Wu Tang sounds more cosmopolitan than Ku Klux."

"Where does a 19th century Russian imperialist get his coffee? Tsarbucks."

"How do bored cows sound like? Meh"