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Joke of the Day

"LOST DOG: 4 year old border collie. Still living at home but doesn't know what to do with his life."

"Google. Filling the gaps in public education."

"[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants!"

"Acupuncture for weight loss huh? I've had little pricks before, and they never helped me work off any pounds."

"My friend ran into a tree with his brand new car... He found out his Mercedes bends"

"A pirate walks into a bar... With his ship's steering wheel on his dick. The bartender asks, ""Whats with the wheel on your john?"" the pirate replied, ""Arrg it's driving me nuts!"""

"How do pirates sing the ABC's? abcdefghijklmnopq AAAAARRRRRR stuvwxy and z"

"What does an Asian chicken sound like? Bok Bok Bok CHOY"

"My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast."

"Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law. It's my P.S. de resistance."