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Joke of the Day

"If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity."

"Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates"

"I have a good gay joke so good it will make your hole weak."

"A friend told me he was karyophil And i was like ""Are you fucking nuts?"""

"How do you keep an idiot with RES busy? loading..."

"Why I never get drinks at the bar with my dog... I'm afraid of getting woofied."

"Which doesnt belong? Camel Polar Bear Obama Buffalo Camel......It's the only one on the list that knows something about the Middle East"

"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."

"Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are."

"Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks."