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Joke of the Day

"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."

"Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions."

"What kind of candy is Hitler? A Jew-breaker!"

"What does a runner lose after winning a race? His breath."

"My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though"

"Who was the first carpenter? Eve. She made Adam's banana stand"

"Co-Worker: Can I get a quick word? Me: Velocity. Co-Worker: ..."

"My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on Facebook who are about to pretend to like me."

"Why did Sally fall off the swings? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's There) Not Sally"

"I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero."