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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad my mom is such a bad cook If my date can eat her meatloaf with a smile, I know they'll swallow anything."

"Why did the tomato blush? Because it seen the Salad dressing ( I'll see myself out)"

"I don't know what you guys are talking about. I drank pineapple juice earlier and my jizz doesn't taste any different."

"Helping my daughter study for her geology exam, and apparently 'hard' 'classic' and 'punk' AREN'T the 3 different types of rock. Who knew."

"WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it..."

"me: well I grew up without a dad and I turned out okay cw: don't u collect human teeth?? me: yeah but they're not my teeth"

"If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future."

"What did the Greek God say when he could finally take the world off his shoulders? At las!"

"Where do ants keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."