38957

Joke of the Day

"If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future."

"How do you end a party in a redneck trailer park? Flush the punch bowl"

"I like a lot of different kinds of breakfast, but I only eat one at a time. I'm a cereal monogamist."

"I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach... You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk. [source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]"

"If I rape a prostitute, Is it shoplifting?"

"What do you call a haunted accordion Polka haunt us"

"[electric chair] ""Any requests for your final minutes?"" ""Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained."" *acquitted on a technicality"

"I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises"

"[Dad jokes anonymous] ""...and I'm clean 30 days"" Guy from back: HI CLEAN 3O DAYS I'M DAD ""DAMN IT, JERRY!"""

"Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts... ... One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" The other scoffs and replies ""you'd wanna ask him first"""